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September 13, 2012
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Nothing In Life Worth Having Comes Easy

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 13, 2012, 8:18 AM


-title from Scrubs-

Why the actual fuck did I think I stood a chance?
Cast list for the school production went up today, guess who didn't get a lead role for the fifth year in a row despite being told repeatedly how good she is? Yeah, me...

It may sound stupid, and pretty pathetic I'm guessing, but since the second I got through my bedroom door, it's just been a constant stream of tears down my face. I needed a main role this year.
My plan for the future is a Drama degree, then drama school. So far, I have "multi-rolled, narrated and sat around watching the action" to put on my application. OH! and messed with some lights and shifted some sets and props for people. How the FUCK do you get into drama school without having a lead role on your record?!

Worse than that, my drama teacher Mr Boileau promised me a lead role at parent's evening last year. He's continued to tell me he wants me to have the main part right up to this week. I wasn't even on the fucking cast list when it was put up this morning - I had to go and ask him why it wasn't there! Both he and the Head Of Music, my form tutor (aka the directors) told me in the past WEEK that they want me to be more confident this year - how the Hell do they expect to see a boost in confidence from me now if they don't even think I'm good enough to support my future career?! This is my last chance to get a lead before uni, and they've given all the parts to Yr12s: PEOPLE IN THE YEAR BELLOW ME. Even people in my year who don't even want to do drama at Uni, let alone a career got main roles....

I just have such a lack of respect for them right now.... I honestly don't know how I'm gonna get out of this funk I'm in. They've really hurt me this time...

Skin by Korollily
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: Nobody's Fool (Avril Lavigne)
  • Eating: Starburst sours
  • Drinking: sugar free Monster
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